Doping Accusations

Last night’s mustache checkpoint meeting was a rousing success.  We have raised over $6000 for NCHS so far, and much manliness was on display.  Hairless lips were, for the most part, disappearing and becoming replaced with most triumphant flavor savors.

However, I must take umbrage with a few of our lighter-haired and less testosterone-producing brethren.  On more than one occasion last night the sight of my full and magnificent mustache solicited accusations of mustache doping from those unable to grow such glory in a mere week.

Doping (the use of Rogaine, Viagra, Andro, fertility drugs, etc) to artificially inflate one’s testosterone levels is strictly prohibited by the Mustaches 4 Kids bylaws.  For one Mustache Brother to accuse another of such a heinous violation of the spirit of the competition without evidence beyond the rich, full, stache on their lip is truly a display outside the bounds of acceptable play.

Now, I understand that if your blonde and you only have six hairs on your upper lip that your mustache will likely never achieve the full glory of Yanni-style stache beauty.  The last thing any of us want to see is a Spencer Pratt –looking-flesh-colored poor excuse for a cookie brush.  And I can see how jealousy of a dark lip sweater could drive you to frustration levels you’ve never before known.  But, there comes a time to acknowledge the presence of more manly men, bow your head in respect, and bring us beer.

The good news is that with accusations of doping comes the very real possibility of growing the coveted “Sweetest Stache”.  After sizing up the competition last night I think there is only a hand full of us that are in the running.  I think I saw at least three other mustaches that might be contenders.  (And Dude In The Striped Shirt, you’re totally going down.)  I’m feeling good about my chances.

Onward and Upward to Mustache Glory!