Planting the seeds

So, today I took the very important step of preparing my coworkers for the coming gloriousness.  On the Friday before Shave Night a coworker organized a team lunch to a local taco place.  I found it to be the perfect opportunity to inform my coworkers that what they were about to witness was not creepy.  That in fact, it was awesomeness.

You see, I’m an independent contractor.  I don’t have years of tenure or a well-established relationship with my coworkers.  I’ve been contracting with this firm for only about two months.  And while we all know that mustaches are typically a source of inspiration to most men, the first week or so of emergence can cause confusion and occasionally will set off the “creepy” vibe.

So, after bringing back to the table a big bowl of chips melted cheese (the modern day peace pipe), I brought up Mustaches 4 Kids and how I had gotten myself involved with the group.

Needless to say, working for a construction company has its perks when it comes to many mustaches.  Agreement was had all around that the idea was a fantastic one and I even recruited some potential growers for next year after, “I see how it goes for you this year.”  Excellent. 

Now, the wife knows. The family knows. And the guys at work know.  I’m free to ascend Mt. Manly.

Greg Maddox Lip

My name is Jason, and I’m growing a mustache – for kids.

My entire adult life I’ve suffered from what my friends and I have deemed “Greg Maddox Lip”. GML, as we frequently refer to it, is a rare condition in which a man suffers from thick, bushy upper lip stubble and an otherwise complete lack of facial hair. As you can see, the result of such an affliction is a constant five o’clock mustache shadow. No matter how closely you shave, no matter how infrequently you shave the rest of your face, your life is peppered with the ever-present innocent question, “Are you growing a mustache?”

For years I have thought of GML as a curse. Not only would I be assured of getting the dreaded question the rest of my life, I wouldn’t ever be able to experience the joys of a goatee or beard or even sideburn experimentation. The mustache was my only way out. But, alas, the mustache is the taboo of facial hair configurations. Want a chin strap beard? No problem. Want a goatee or a soul patch? Sweet. Chicks will dig that. Want to go ZZ Top? Party on. But the conventional wisdom says that even a glorious ‘stache will get you nothing but giggles and rejection.

And then I was recruited to join Mustaches 4 Kids Omaha, and I knew I had found my calling. The email from a coworker of my wife was simple. “You are growing a mustache,” it began. It left me no choice. The decision was out of my hands. The same DNA that had burdened me with GML pulled at my very being. “Go,” it said. “Become awesome. Grow a mustache.”

So, I went to the informational meeting. I learned about the history of Mustaches 4 Kids. I learned about the wonderful charity Nebraska Children’s Home Society. But most importantly, I learned how everything I had heard about mustaches was absolutely wrong! Having a mustache didn’t make you a social outcast. It makes you a man’s man. It makes you irresistible to women. It gives you self-confidence, bravado, and license to be the man you always knew you were. I knew I had found my mustache brothers. I was home. And I was going to conquer my GML the only way possible, by growing a super-sweet lip sweater.

This is me and my mustache’s story.