Morning #3 - That's What I'm Talkin' About

Woke up today with a good solid three day's worth of growth, and I tell you what, I look damn good.

I'm impressed with how this thing is filling out already.  With a stache this choice, fundraising is going to be a cake walk.

In fact, I think you should consider making a donation right now.  It's for the kids after all.

Morning #2

Well, I’ve made it through my first day of stache growth.  


Since I shaved last night at the bar, I really didn’t have much beyond the typical GML going on.  No strange looks, no comments…


It doesn’t change the fact that I can feel the power of the mustache starting to take effect.  My confidence grows as I anticipate the lip sweater I am about to sprout.

So It Begins

Today is the first day I haven't shaved my upper lip in a good long time.  My GML dictates that almost every day I at least mow the lawn with the old electric even if I don't bust out the razor.

I tell you what, it feels damn good.  Liberating I tell you.  I should have done this years ago.

Shave Night

My journey to awesomeness began today.


Tonight, the men from Mustaches 4 Kids descended on the 94/95 Sports Bar to shave for the last time in a month, get our hairless mug shots taken, and begin the process of becoming stunning.

I started recruiting other “growers” as soon as I heard about M4K.  After making my first round of phone calls I had four other guys fired up and ready to go.  Slowly but surely all but one chickened out. 


The first, we’ll call him Mark to protect his identity, claimed he had a conference to go to in June and was afraid of going with a stache.    What a fool.  If there was ever a great way to make friends and influence people, it is by having a mustache.  And what better venue could there be than a conference to show off your studliness and use it to scratch up some new business.  I mean, who can resist buying something from a guy with a killer stache?  And don’t even get me started about meeting girls at a conference with a stache…. Idiot.


The second, Nate will be his pseudonym, claimed he had never actually agreed to grow.  I call shenanigans.  We all know what really happened.  His wife laid down the law and threatened to cut him off if he grew a rockin’ stache.  I’m sure she told him it was because she didn’t like them, but like all women she didn’t want her man growing a stache because it will make him irresistible to the opposite sex, and she was just afraid of the competition.  Well, Nate wasn’t bright enough to see through her ruse, so he ejected as well.


Lastly, Eric (he gets no naming protection because his excuse is weakest) begged out because he is just too fat and lazy to actually try raising some money to help out some kids.  Pathetic.  He is so coughing up some serious cash to sponsor my stache.


But one stood tall.  Casey stepped up, was a man, and said he had the cojones to grow.  So, together we went to the bar, lined up to shave…  oh wait… bought a beer, lined up to shave, befouled our lips by removing any last vestige of  upper lip hair, got our… wait… bought another beer… got our clean shave pictures taken, and got another beer into which we promptly cried.

After enjoying time among such manly men, we decided it was time to go heckle the non-growers a bit, so we ventured to a buddy’s bar to meet Nate.  We mercilessly taunted his unwillingness to be awesome and in an attempt to make us forget is weakness, he bought us a beer.  But before the night was over Nate’s lack of testosterone kicked in and he went home leaving Casey and I to seek another place to flex our mustache might.


So, karaoke it was.  We busted out with a rousing duet of If I Had a Million Dollars with lyrics improvised to extol the virtues of the mustache.    We were a huge success, and even with hairless lips our talk of mustaches made us the toast of the room. 


Growing a mustache is going to rock.

Planting the seeds

So, today I took the very important step of preparing my coworkers for the coming gloriousness.  On the Friday before Shave Night a coworker organized a team lunch to a local taco place.  I found it to be the perfect opportunity to inform my coworkers that what they were about to witness was not creepy.  That in fact, it was awesomeness.

You see, I’m an independent contractor.  I don’t have years of tenure or a well-established relationship with my coworkers.  I’ve been contracting with this firm for only about two months.  And while we all know that mustaches are typically a source of inspiration to most men, the first week or so of emergence can cause confusion and occasionally will set off the “creepy” vibe.

So, after bringing back to the table a big bowl of chips melted cheese (the modern day peace pipe), I brought up Mustaches 4 Kids and how I had gotten myself involved with the group.

Needless to say, working for a construction company has its perks when it comes to many mustaches.  Agreement was had all around that the idea was a fantastic one and I even recruited some potential growers for next year after, “I see how it goes for you this year.”  Excellent. 

Now, the wife knows. The family knows. And the guys at work know.  I’m free to ascend Mt. Manly.

Greg Maddox Lip

My name is Jason, and I’m growing a mustache – for kids.

My entire adult life I’ve suffered from what my friends and I have deemed “Greg Maddox Lip”. GML, as we frequently refer to it, is a rare condition in which a man suffers from thick, bushy upper lip stubble and an otherwise complete lack of facial hair. As you can see, the result of such an affliction is a constant five o’clock mustache shadow. No matter how closely you shave, no matter how infrequently you shave the rest of your face, your life is peppered with the ever-present innocent question, “Are you growing a mustache?”

For years I have thought of GML as a curse. Not only would I be assured of getting the dreaded question the rest of my life, I wouldn’t ever be able to experience the joys of a goatee or beard or even sideburn experimentation. The mustache was my only way out. But, alas, the mustache is the taboo of facial hair configurations. Want a chin strap beard? No problem. Want a goatee or a soul patch? Sweet. Chicks will dig that. Want to go ZZ Top? Party on. But the conventional wisdom says that even a glorious ‘stache will get you nothing but giggles and rejection.

And then I was recruited to join Mustaches 4 Kids Omaha, and I knew I had found my calling. The email from a coworker of my wife was simple. “You are growing a mustache,” it began. It left me no choice. The decision was out of my hands. The same DNA that had burdened me with GML pulled at my very being. “Go,” it said. “Become awesome. Grow a mustache.”

So, I went to the informational meeting. I learned about the history of Mustaches 4 Kids. I learned about the wonderful charity Nebraska Children’s Home Society. But most importantly, I learned how everything I had heard about mustaches was absolutely wrong! Having a mustache didn’t make you a social outcast. It makes you a man’s man. It makes you irresistible to women. It gives you self-confidence, bravado, and license to be the man you always knew you were. I knew I had found my mustache brothers. I was home. And I was going to conquer my GML the only way possible, by growing a super-sweet lip sweater.

This is me and my mustache’s story.